Concerning Applejack
by TurkeySM
Summary: The fifth of many back-and-forth dialogues between a brony and a non-brony regarding My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic. The lines that are in italics belong to the non-brony.


Why howdy!

_Good afternoon…wait, you're not one of **those** oddballs are you?_

What're you talking about partner?

_(Partner?) Well, I've been running into these weird people who act like cartoon ponies and-_

Aw shucks, I'm no such person. You can count on my word, I'm the Element of **Honesty** after all!

_You're the Element of what?_

**Honesty**! I'm not one to toot my horn or anything, but it's a part of who I am! Oh horseapples, where are my manners? Name's Applejack! It's a pleasure to make your acquaintance!

_Your name's Applejack? (This person's probably lying to me about not being one of those oddballs.)_

Yup! My name's Applejack! Gosh, I reckon you've gone through quite a few Pinkie-grade shenanigan makers this past year if you gotta doubt my ability to give out my name!

_…Indeed. So…what is it you do for living Applejack?_

I'm a chemist! I work with chemicals of all sorts and sizes!

_A chemist, huh? Well, that's pretty neat I have to admit._

It sure is a fine job! Beats working on some musty old apple farm if you ask me.

_How ironic considering your name._

Aw, don't bring that up! I know I emphasized that my name's Applejack, but being an Apple by law and not blood isn't exactly a point of pride for me.

_You're an apple? Can I be an orange?_

Don't be silly, I'm a legal part of the Apple family! Though no, we don't have any Oranges, so you wouldn't be related even if you really were an Orange.

_What an odd naming sense._

I guess, if that's how you look at it. So what else do you have to ask me?

_Do you have one of those, um, butt marks?_

I think you mean cutie marks. And ee-nope! I don't have no cutie mark to speak of!

_That's a shame. Those were always fun things to hear about._

You think so? I always thought those tattoos made everypony look like serious wackos. I've got this brother, and he's obsessed with finding his "destiny" in a tattoo. Makes me ashamed to be in the same family as him sometimes.

_How sad. I thought you'd be someone who gets along with their family._

Me?! Hah, don't be ridiculous! Family ain't nothing but a weight that drags you down. Should've left them years ago.

_Eeesh, that sounds kind of harsh._

Hay, I'm the Element of **Honesty**, not Kindness. That element belongs to my gardener Twilight Sparkle.

_You have a gardener named Twilight Sparkle? (What is this, a vampire novel?) Are you close to her if not your family?_

Not really. We don't get along that well either. I guess being the only **honest** pony in Ponyville has its downsides.

_I would assume so looking at you. Well we seem to be getting along like two peas in a pod._

Well yeah, that's because you're a stranger! Strangers always make for the best company.

_I suppose so. Say, between us two strangers, you gotta tell me, are you from a TV show?_

I sure am! I'm a part of a reality TV show, it's what I do when I'm not doing my chemist work.

_Oh really? How interesting. What kind of reality show is it?_

It's about a group of ponies that serve a dragon since the dragon went and saved their lives from boulderwolves. It's quite an adventure, being the main character and all!

_…Are you sure this is REALITY TV? It sounds like you're more of an actor than a participant._

Of course it's reality TV! What, did you think by reality I meant a fantasy world where humans talk? That's just crazy speak! Reality TV is always real, always non-scripted. Always. That's the **honest** truth.

_(Aren't we humans?) …If you say so. Wait, did you say you were the main character?_

I sure did! The dragon I serve, PeeWee, and his pet phoenix Spike are always such a hassle to take care of. This one time I had to remind PeeWee how to breathe! Ain't that the craziest thing you ever heard of?

_(This conversation is sounding crazier.) Uh, yeah! How crazy indeed!_

Well partner, anything else you want to ask me? I best be heading off now, gotta make some apple-destroying chemicals!

_I do have one more question. Forgive me if I come off as rude, but are you really the Element of Honesty? What you've been saying sounds kind of shifty._

Of course I'm the Element of **Honesty**! How many times do I gotta spell it out to you? In fact, I'll tell you something that for sure will cement my upright and **honest** nature in your mind. You ready to hear it?

_I guess. What's the worst thing you could say? Oh crud, didn't mean to say that out loud!_

…Ignoring that, listen up! As the Element of **Honesty**, I can truthfully tell you that everything I've said up 'til now has been a complete and utter pack of lies.

_Wait, you said that you were the Element of Honesty before, so does that mean you were lying about how you're the Element of Honesty and thus just lied about how you've been lying this entire time? Are you even Applejack? Are you sure you're not another crazy person?_

Um…gottagobyeseeyouneveragain!

**[Fin]**


End file.
